1. SILENCE AND SIGHS

What happened to the days when your teen voluntarily spent time with you? Has he/she now become more reclusive? Does he/she retreat to his/her room more frequently?

Consider empowering your teen with an opportunity to make a plan and a voice by saying, “We have committed to doing things as a family and want you to be part of the experience. What do you suggest we do together as a family that would be more interesting to you and fun for everyone?”

2. ONE-WORD ANSWERS

How was your day? “Good.” What are you planning on doing with your friends this weekend? “Nothin’.” In order to get more out of your teen and his/her friends, you could try asking more specific, yet open-ended questions. For instance, “What was the best part of your day today?” “What was the funniest thing that happened at school today?” “How do you and your friends plan to have fun this weekend?”

3. “I’LL DO IT IN A MINUTE”

You know that response means “It’s not a priority to me and I might do it later if I feel like it.” It leads to nagging a few times to “Do it now” and then the result is usually two upset people in the house (you and your teen) and either an argument or rude, often passive-aggressive behavior full of resentment unfolds. Rather than nagging, one option might be to ask “On a scale of 1-10, how much have you helped out the family this week? On a scale of 1-10, how much have I provided for the family this week?”

4. “YOU JUST DON’T GET IT”

It’s as if the tough things your teen is dealing with are so drastically different than the dinosaur years when you grew up. When you give unsolicited advice to them, it shuts them off. When you ask questions simply to seek gaining clarity of exactly that they are going through, it seems to open them up more. One option might be to say, “I know your world is way different than the world I grew up in and you’re right, I don’t know exactly what you’re going through because I’m not you. Can you try and give me a glimpse of what you’re going through, just so that I can have a clearer understanding?” Or “I imagine this feels so tough right now. I know you can get through it because you have a strong core. What is frustrating you right now?”

5. EYE ROLLING

Believe it or not, they are usually still listening to what you are saying even when eye rolling. Instead of saying “Don’t roll your eyes at me!” one option might be to ask, “How could I have said (or asked) that in a way that would have been less annoying to you?” Or “What do you think was my purpose behind saying (or asking) that?”